Education

Missionary Family's 4-Year Adoption Struggle Shows Faith Through Repeated Heartbreak

Sep 10, 2025
By, Donna Pope

When Brandon and Bethany Cole first felt called to adoption while serving as missionaries in West Africa, they never imagined their journey would span four grueling years of setbacks, corruption, and heartbreak. The couple, who work with Final Command Ministries in reaching remote people groups across Mali and Senegal, brought a unique perspective to adoption that would be tested through international fraud, legal complications, and devastating disappointments. Their story, shared on the Eternal Family Adoptions podcast with hosts Donna Pope and Nathan Gwilliam, reveals how faith and perspective gained from working in extreme poverty prepared them to handle repeated rejection with extraordinary grace. This first part of their adoption journey demonstrates that even the most dedicated families can face seemingly insurmountable obstacles while pursuing their dreams of expanding their family through adoption.

Overcoming Professional Discouragement in Early Adoption Planning

The Cole family's adoption journey began with a crushing blow from the very professional meant to guide them. After returning to Arkansas during the COVID-19 pandemic, the couple sought guidance from a local adoption attorney who delivered what seemed like a death sentence to their adoption dreams. The lawyer bluntly told them that no birth mother would ever choose a family living in a dangerous, unknown location like Mali, effectively ruling out domestic adoption entirely. This discouraging assessment forced the family to pivot toward international adoption, a path that would prove far more complex and costly than they anticipated.

Despite this initial setback, the Coles refused to abandon their calling to adoption. They had discussed adoption even before marriage, viewing it as a reflection of God's adoption of believers into His family. According to the Adoption by the Numbers 2022 study conducted by the National Council on Adoption, approximately 115,353 adoptions took place in 2019, proving that thousands of families successfully navigate adoption challenges annually. The couple's determination to continue despite professional discouragement highlights an important lesson for prospective adoptive families about seeking multiple opinions and not accepting single assessments as final verdicts.

The family's experience with negative professional advice underscores a broader issue in adoption consulting. Proper guidance and support can significantly improve adoption outcomes, making it essential for families to work with professionals who believe in their potential for success. The Coles' persistence in pursuing adoption despite initial discouragement would eventually lead them to professionals who saw their unique international experience as an asset rather than a liability.

International Adoption Challenges and Corruption Realities

The Cole family's venture into international adoption through Malawi initially appeared promising but quickly revealed the complex realities facing families pursuing adoption in developing countries. They completed extensive paperwork, raised funds, and were matched with a five-month-old baby, setting up a nursery and emotionally preparing their three children for a new sibling. However, months of waiting with minimal communication and concerning updates about the child's health forced them to take the unusual step of traveling to Malawi to investigate the situation firsthand.

The devastating revelation came through voice messages from a doctor explaining that their matched child had severe cerebral palsy and would never walk, speak, or likely live long. This medical disclosure arrived just as they were surprising family members with their children before departing for what they thought would be a finalization trip. This emotional whiplash of hope turning to heartbreak demonstrates the unpredictable nature of international adoption (indeed, data from Gitnux suggests that, 10–15% of international adoptions fail outright, and up to 45% experience disruption within three years. This context underscores how families can invest emotionally and financially and still lose their child to circumstances far beyond their control.

Following this setback, the agency presented them with another match, a two-year-old boy with whom they spent a week bonding in Malawi. The week progressed from initial fear to laughter and joy, culminating in the child's distress when they attempted to leave. However, social welfare officials delivered another crushing blow, explaining that a powerful judge had chosen the same child for adoption, effectively ending their second placement. This experience exposed the corruption and power dynamics that can affect international adoption, where families invest time, money, and emotions only to lose children to individuals with greater influence or resources.

The New York Experience and Gracious Response to Disappointment

After years of failed international adoptions, the Cole family turned to domestic adoption and connected with a birth mother in New York who was considering placing her two young daughters, ages five and two. Over months of phone calls and video chats, a genuine bond formed, giving the Coles renewed hope.

The trip to New York required a significant financial sacrifice, but when they finally met in person, the connection was immediate. The children played together, and the Coles began to envision their family finally complete.

The next day, however, the birth mother made the difficult decision to parent her daughters herself. Though devastated, the Coles chose to respond with compassion rather than anger. Bethany suggested helping her instead, so the family purchased diapers, food, and supplies and delivered them to her apartment.

As Sister Barbara Thompson taught, “Compassion means to feel love and mercy toward another person… to show kindness and tenderness toward another.” In that moment, the Coles lived this principle, showing their children that even in heartbreak, love and service bring healing.

Children's Resilience and Family Faith Through Adoption Struggles

The Cole children's responses to their family's adoption challenges reveal remarkable maturity and resilience developed through their unique upbringing in West Africa. Living among extreme poverty and witnessing daily struggles of families making a dollar per day provided the children with perspective that many American children lack. When asked about the difficult aspects of their adoption journey, the children focused on the positive experiences like traveling and meeting new people rather than dwelling on disappointments and losses.

Each child processed the adoption setbacks differently but maintained hope for their future sibling throughout the journey. They participated in family prayer times specifically focused on their unknown brother or sister, building their faith while preparing emotionally for adoption. Their excitement about potentially helping the New York birth mother with groceries demonstrated their understanding of complex emotions and situations beyond their years. The children's ability to see past their own disappointment to care for someone else's needs reflects the values instilled through their parents' missionary work.

The family's approach to handling disappointment centered on daily Bible studies and prayer, creating a foundation of faith that sustained them through multiple setbacks. According to research from the American Academy of Pediatrics, children who participate in regular family spiritual practices show greater resilience in facing life challenges. The Cole children's experience validates this research, as they consistently demonstrated hope and faith despite witnessing their parents' heartbreak multiple times. Their ability to maintain excitement about adoption while processing grief and loss illustrates the importance of involving children appropriately in family challenges while providing spiritual and emotional support.

Key Factors That Helped the Cole Children Handle Adoption Disappointments:

Daily family prayer and Bible study sessions
Exposure to global perspectives through missionary work
Honest communication about adoption challenges
Opportunities to serve others in difficult circumstances
Consistent parental modeling of faith and perseverance
Focus on hope rather than dwelling on setbacks

Finding Hope Through Faith and Persistence

The Cole family's four-year journey through adoption setbacks demonstrates that even the most challenging paths can lead to ultimate success when approached with faith, persistence, and grace. Their story offers encouragement to other families facing similar struggles, showing that disappointments and heartbreak can actually prepare families for the relationships and responsibilities of adoption. The perspective gained through serving others in difficult circumstances, combined with unwavering faith in God's timing, enabled this family to respond to repeated disappointments with resilience and compassion.

If you're considering adoption or currently navigating challenges in your adoption journey, remember that persistence and faith often lead to unexpected blessings. The Cole family's story continues in Part 2, where their years of preparation and spiritual growth finally lead to welcoming baby Ezekiel home. Their experience proves that the most difficult journeys often produce the strongest families and the most grateful hearts.

For families seeking support and guidance in their adoption journey, consider connecting with experienced professionals who understand both the challenges and joys of adoption. Visit resources like the Voices of Adoption podcast for stories of hope and practical guidance from families who have walked this path successfully. Your adoption story may include setbacks and disappointments, but with faith, persistence, and the right support, it can also include the joy of welcoming your child home.

Your journey toward building an Eternal Family through adoption starts today. Visit EternalFamilyAdoptions.org to subscribe to our newsletter, access free resources, and connect with a community of families who share your faith and values. Don't let another day pass wondering "what if"—your child may be waiting for you right now.

Follow or Subscribe to Eternal Family Adoptions on your favorite platform:

Website: EternalFamilyAdoptions.org
YouTube: @EternalFamily_Adoptions
Twitter/X: @Eternal_Adoptions
Instagram: EternalFamily_Adoptions
Facebook : Eternal Family Adoptions
TikTok: @Eternal_Family_Adoptions
LinkedIn: Eternal-Family-Adoptions