Education

Life After Adoption - How Love Transcends DNA in Building Forever Families

Oct 01, 2025
By, Donna Pope

Continued from Part 1 of the Hamilton family's adoption after stillbirth journey. The conclusion of Brett and Emily Hamilton's adoption journey reveals what happens when faith-prepared hearts finally welcome their long-awaited child home.

After three stillbirths and an eight-month placement process with birth mother Chris, Brett and Emily Hamilton discovered that their preparation through grief uniquely equipped them for building lasting relationships across family lines.

Their experience, shared in this second part on the Eternal Family Adoptions podcast with hosts Donna Pope and Nathan Gwilliam, demonstrates how adopted children integrate seamlessly into families when love becomes the foundation rather than biological connection. The Hamilton's experience shows that faith-based adoption creates opportunities for expanded family circles that bless everyone involved through ongoing relationships and mutual support.

Leilani Completes the Family

The Hamilton family describes Leilani's integration as the completion of a puzzle that always had a missing piece. Brett explains how she brought a unique personality and attitude to their household, including what the family affectionately calls sass that adds energy and laughter. Emily shares how Leilani's presence brings both joy and healing to siblings who miss their brothers and sisters who died before birth, allowing the children to process grief while experiencing new life simultaneously.

The immediate bonding between Leilani and her siblings exceeded expectations, with teenage daughter Abby planning to attend local colleges to remain close to her adopted sister. The older children express that Leilani feels like she has always been part of their family, unable to remember life before her arrival. As The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches about adoption, "Adoption is an inspired method of building eternal families when biological parenthood is not possible or advisable."

Brett and Emily both emphasize that puzzle piece metaphor, explaining how Leilani filled exactly the space their family needed without forcing or awkwardness. Her arrival felt natural and right from the moment they met her, confirming their belief that God had prepared this specific child for their specific family through years of trials and preparation during their adoption after stillbirth journey.

Building Open Relationships with Birth Families

The Hamilton family's open adoption relationship with Chris demonstrates modern best practices where boundaries remain clear while love flows freely. When the Hamiltons visited Chris and her family the month before the podcast recording, their children played together naturally at parks while teenagers connected over shared interests. The blending felt divinely orchestrated rather than forced, with both families experiencing immediate comfort and connection.

The visit revealed that Chris had married Marcus, the father of her other children, creating stability for her family. This development represents a best-case outcome for birth mother relationships, where the placement decision enabled positive life changes alongside ongoing connection to the adopted child. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway's research on openness in adoption, ongoing contact between adoptive and birth families benefits children's identity development and emotional wellbeing when managed with clear boundaries and mutual respect.

The emotional highlight came as families prepared to part, when Chris told Leilani she now has two moms, two dads, and an extended family of brothers and sisters who all love her. This multiplication of love rather than division characterizes successful open adoption. The Hamiltons plan to return for Chris and Marcus's one-year anniversary, where Emily will photograph their wedding celebration with Leilani serving as flower girl, cementing their ongoing birth mother relationship.

Learning Culture and Identity with Humility

Emily's discussion about interracial adoption provides practical guidance for families considering transracial placements. She emphasizes the critical importance of learning about Black hair care, acknowledging this represents more than aesthetics but connects to cultural identity and self-esteem. The North American Council on Adoptable Children explains that transracial adoptive families must actively engage with their children's racial and cultural heritage for healthy identity development.

Chris serves as primary teacher about hair products, skin care, and cultural practices, creating ongoing dialogue that benefits Leilani while strengthening the birth mother relationship. During their recent visit, much of the time focused on Chris teaching Emily about hair care techniques, products, and styling methods appropriate for Leilani's beautiful coiled curls. Emily stresses the importance of being open to learning daily in interracial adoption, asking questions without stubbornness, and embracing rather than simply tolerating cultural differences.

The Hamilton family also prepares for future challenges Leilani will face as a Black child raised by white parents. They recognize that societal treatment, cultural expectations, and identity formation will differ significantly from their other children's experiences. Brett acknowledges they cannot assume their parenting approaches will work identically for Leilani, requiring them to remain teachable and seek guidance from their Black friends and community members who understand experiences the Hamilton's cannot personally relate to in their interracial adoption.

Trusting God Through Legal Uncertainties in Adoption After Loss

The Hamilton family navigated uncertainty about Leilani's birth father and potential legal challenges to their adoption after placement. Emily describes putting herself in the same mental space she occupied during high-risk pregnancies following her adoption after stillbirth experiences, acknowledging a lack of control while choosing to trust God's plan regardless of outcome. This ability to hold hope and grief simultaneously reflects mature faith developed through previous trials.

Emily applied lessons from Psalm 139 that a friend shared after her stillbirths, affirming that God knows each person's days before they come to pass. She recognized that just as she couldn't prevent her children's deaths despite doing everything right, she also couldn't control adoption outcomes through her own efforts. The American Adoption Congress provides resources on navigating legal complexities and emotional challenges during contested adoption situations, helping families prepare mentally and practically for uncertain outcomes.

Brett's approach complemented Emily's by gathering as much information as possible about legal processes and potential outcomes while ultimately surrendering results to God. He asked detailed questions of Donna Pope and their agency, needing data to process uncertainty intellectually before releasing control emotionally. This combination of seeking knowledge and trusting faith enabled both parents to remain present and bonded with Leilani during the waiting period.

Does Love Transcend Physical Resemblance in Adoption?

Donna Pope posed the question many prospective adoptive parents wrestle with in adoption after stillbirth scenarios: when you look at a child who doesn't physically resemble you, can you love them the same way you would a biological child? A church leader had shared this concern as one reason families hesitate to adopt, worrying that lack of physical similarity might prevent full bonding and attachment. The Hamilton family's response provides one of the most significant testimonies in their adoption story.

Brett states he never experienced this concern, explaining that the moment a genuine connection occurs with a child, physical differences fade completely. He describes meeting Leilani and experiencing an immediate moment when she looked at them and giggled, creating instant love and bonding. Research from Adoption.com confirms that adoptive parent-child bonding develops through consistent care giving, emotional attunement, and responsive parenting rather than genetic connection or physical resemblance.

Emily provides even more direct testimony, drawing from her unique experience of both biological and adoptive parenting. She states clearly that she feels no difference in her love for her biological children versus her adopted daughter. The unconditional mother love she experiences with Leilani feels identical to what she felt carrying and birthing her other children. Love operates through hearts and souls connecting rather than through DNA or physical resemblance.

Adoption After Stillbirth - Perseverance Creates Success

Nathan Gwilliam observes that the Hamilton family's defining characteristic throughout their adoption after stillbirth journey has been perseverance. Through 12 IUI fertility treatments, three stillbirths, failed international adoption attempts, and an eight-month domestic placement process, the Hamiltons kept moving forward when many families would have stopped. He references quotes from Steve Jobs, Thomas Edison, and Winston Churchill about perseverance separating success from failure.

Emily emphasizes that perseverance in adoption after stillbirth means continuing to trust God through valleys and dark periods, not giving up when answers don't come quickly or clearly. The adoption process requires families to keep walking even when paths seem uncertain, believing God works actively during waiting periods. Creating a Family's adoption statistics show that families who remain committed through initial setbacks and continue working with agencies have significantly higher completion rates than those who withdraw after first disappointments.

Brett adds the important nuance that perseverance doesn't mean continuing in the same direction regardless of guidance. Their journey included pivoting from international to domestic adoption, recognizing when the Colombian hosting situation wasn't right, and being willing to change approaches while maintaining their ultimate goal. True perseverance in building birth mother relationships and navigating open adoption means evaluating circumstances prayerfully and then moving forward with inspiration.

Key Elements of Successful Adoption Integration:

Viewing adopted children as completing rather than adding to families
Building genuine open adoption and birth mother relationships through humility
Actively learning about adopted children's cultural heritage in interracial adoption
Trusting God through legal uncertainties while gathering available information
Recognizing that parental love transcends biological connection completely
Including existing children in the adoption after stillbirth journey appropriately
Persevering through setbacks while remaining flexible about specific paths

Finding Your Forever Family Through Faith-Based Adoption

The Hamilton family's complete journey from adoption after stillbirth through successful placement demonstrates that God uses every experience to prepare families for the specific children meant to be theirs. Their three years of pregnancy losses, fertility treatments, and adoption attempts created the exact preparation they needed to support Chris through her difficult decision while building the birth mother relationship that now blesses both families.

For families currently pursuing adoption after pregnancy loss or navigating challenges of interracial adoption and open relationships, the Hamilton story offers hope that perseverance combined with faith produces outcomes exceeding human planning. Their experience proves that loving adopted children feels identical to loving biological children when families approach adoption with open hearts ready to learn and grow. The multiplication of family through open adoption creates blessings for birth families, adoptive families, and most importantly, for children.

The Hamilton children's perspectives reinforce their parents' testimony, with all biological siblings unable to imagine life without Leilani and feeling she has always belonged. Teenage Abby admits the idea initially scared her but that life has become so much better because of adoption. The younger children emphasize not being scared of change, trusting that what's meant to happen will happen, and recognizing how quickly adopted siblings feel like they've always been present.

Visit eternalfamilyadoptions.org today to connect with faith-based adoption resources and support designed specifically for Latter-day Saint families. Whether you're just beginning to consider adoption after stillbirth, navigating the complexities of interracial adoption, or building birth mother relationships, you'll find experienced guidance and a community that understands your journey.

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