Adoptive Father of 8 Shares Truth About Foster Care, Faith, and Dysfunction Junction

Shawn Rapier and his wife Vanessa were married in the Oakland temple, planning for two to four biological children and comfortable careers. Those plans lasted until Vanessa came home from her job as an occupational therapist and announced that two siblings (ages one and two) needed a home before they got separated. Shawn's immediate response was no. His eventual response, after a walk in the rain wrestling with God, changed everything. In this episode of Eternal Family Adoptions, host Donna Pope sits down with Shawn to explore his family's journey raising eight children (six adopted through foster care and two biological) in what they named Dysfunction Junction.

Foster Adoption Begins with Asking God the Right Question  

Shawn describes asking God one specific question during his walk in the rain. Are these our children? He emphasizes asking the right question when seeking revelation. He didn't ask if they could be good parents or if adoption would work out. He asked if David and Krista were literally their children in God's eternal plan. The answer came clearly. Yes, they are your children. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, thousands of children in U.S. foster care wait for adoptive families, making spiritual confirmation particularly significant for guiding families toward foster adoption.

The Rapiers got their license and prepared to bring the children home. Then the foster mother decided they were too young and too poor, convincing wealthy neighbors to adopt instead. The state called saying they weren't getting the kids. After weeks of pain, including Christmas without the expected children, the wealthy family called. Every night they prayed with David and Krista, and every night after saying amen, the Spirit confirmed these were not their children. The Rapiers picked them up the next morning after staying up until 3 AM preparing a room.

David arrived with developmental delays and behavioral challenges requiring state hospital placements and group home care. Today at 34, David lives in a group home near Shawn in St. George has a close father-son relationship. Krista recently got engaged in Pennsylvania, and Shawn flew out to spend three days with her at Disney World. The question about whether these were their children sustained them through every crisis because the answer established eternal stewardship rather than temporary care giving.

Different Children Required Different Spiritual Confirmations in Foster Care  

Years later, with four children, Shawn attended church with David at the state hospital. During a talk about serving others, he heard a voice as clear as someone speaking directly. You will adopt a teenage daughter. He drove home dreading telling Vanessa after David's extreme challenges. She responded with news that she'd already been looking.

They reviewed eight or nine girls' files before Vanessa called while Shawn traveled for business. She said the state had a girl named Portia. Shawn immediately responded by saying that was her, and Vanessa agreed without meeting her. Portia came from terrible circumstances, arriving at 13 with hair covering her face, unable to make eye contact, and having given up on finding a family. Research shows teenagers in foster care face the lowest adoption rates, making the Rapiers' willingness particularly significant.

Portia had survived through lying and had been hurt by everyone she loved. Her defenses stayed up as she sabotaged vacations, refused meals at dinnertime, and consistently chose the opposite of family suggestions. After rough years, Portia now lives in Idaho with a wonderful relationship. But it required enduring years of attachment disorder behaviors before breakthrough.

Nine-year-old JC came as an emergency placement. Shann's prayer simplified to asking if this wasn't God's plan, just tell me. JC loved his parents deeply but received bad advice portraying the state and Rapiers as villains. Vanessa organized a picnic photographing JC with his parents. Weeks later, his mother died. About eighteen months later, his father also died. JC had been certain he'd return home, making the loss devastating by age 12.

Shawn describes JC as his hero because despite everything, he doesn't quit. JC had legal troubles, spent time locked up at 17, escaped and lived in a Salt Lake park while working part-time, and never lived with the family again after the pandemic. Now over 18, he's turned things around and maintains contact. They had dinner three weeks ago.

The Rapiers also adopted 14-year-old Chloe, who struggled to launch after high school. When she moved back with her previous family and a crisis occurred, Shawn picked her up. That breaking point changed their relationship. Finally, the state asked if they'd adopt Chloe's full brother Cam, who had mental challenges and lived in a group home. At 18, he was timing out of the system without family. Cam became their eighth child despite never living with them.

Understanding God's Love Through Foster Care Adoption Challenges  

Shawn shares a revelation received in Miami while praying desperately about one of his biological children who seemed lost. After wrestling with the Lord, the Spirit essentially said this. What are you doing? Get up off your knees. I'm God. He's my son. Did you forget who I am? How about we make a deal? You be his dad, and I'll be God. You trust in me that I know what we're gonna do here. Stop groveling.

This experience transformed how Shawn approaches parenting all his children, adopted and biological. He emphasizes that God already knows the plan and that adoptive parents need to trust His sovereignty more than their own problem-solving abilities. As President Russell M. Nelson taught in April 2018, the Holy Ghost provides guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence necessary for spiritual survival in coming days. This principle applies directly to adoptive father experiences navigating foster care challenges.

Shawn addresses common misconceptions about adoptive love. When people say he can't love adopted children the same as biological children, he responds by asking if they love all their children the exact same way. He would take a bullet for every one of his kids. He loves them all differently because they're different people, but we love our children because they're our children. The bigger picture reveals that all humanity comprises God's adopted children, making earthly foster adoption a reflection of divine patterns.

Key Lessons About Foster Care Adoption

1. Ask God the right question when considering foster care adoption

2. Different children may require different spiritual confirmations

3. Community support helps adoptive families survive crisis

4. Trust God more than your own ability to fix everything

5. Give yourself grace because you're dealing with children who survived trauma

6. Don't tell adopted children they're lucky because they went through fire

Life After Dysfunction Junction for This Adoptive Father  

The Rapiers now live in St. George after Vanessa got a professor position at Utah Tech University. All eight children have moved out, ranging in age between 22 and 34. In the past two months, Shawn has seen every child. In the past week, he's talked to all eight, and every conversation ended with I love you, Dad. Some talk daily, others disappear for weeks, but relationships remain strong.

Their neighbors were wonderful through the chaos. When police cars arrived and officers took children out in handcuffs, neighbors would wave and text asking how to help. Cookies would appear. The ward was amazing, assigning specialists to work with specific children and providing communication about challenges rather than pretending everything was wonderful.

Shawn offers advice for anyone considering foster adoption. Trust God, don't give yourself too much credit or guilt, and follow His plan. For those who say they could never adopt, he responds that's okay because we all have different gifts. His brother-in-law and sister-in-law fostered children and reunified them with families, something Shawn couldn't do. The key is following what God designed for your specific family.

For current adoptive parents going through crisis, Shawn's message is clear. Give yourself grace. You're not dealing with normal anything, and that's okay. Do your best, get up the next day, love those kids, and keep going. As The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches about adoption, all of Heavenly Father's children are adopted into His family through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, making earthly foster care adoption a reflection of divine patterns.

Faith-Based Resources for Foster Care Adoption Support  

Shawn says he'll fall at the feet of his adopted children in the next life asking forgiveness because we don't fully know what they experienced. His testimony remains that foster adoption taught him more about God's love than any other experience. He has zero common DNA with his six adopted children, yet they are completely his. The spiritual DNA matters more than biological connection, and sealing power makes families eternal regardless of formation.

Multiple people have told Shawn there's no way he loves adopted children the same as biological children. His response challenges that assumption by pointing out he has zero common DNA with his wife Vanessa, yet no one questions her role as his eternal companion. He emphasizes this truth. I'm not God's blood. I'm adopted. But I am His blood. I do have spiritual DNA of his, and my adopted kids have my spiritual DNA, and we're sealed, and they are mine.

Shawn's story of Dysfunction Junction shows that faith, humor, grace, and trust in God's plan create eternal families through foster care adoption even through the hardest challenges. The police visits, hospital stays, stolen items, Disney World jail, and countless crises didn't destroy their family. They refined it. Every adoptive father and mother walking this path needs to remember that God is better at parenting than any of us, and trusting His plan matters more than our ability to fix every problem.

For families considering foster care adoption or supporting those who have adopted, connecting with faith-based resources provides essential support. Visit eternalfamilyadoptions.org to access adoption resources specifically designed for Latter-day Saint families navigating foster care adoption decisions.

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